3 Tips to Transform Your Relationships

Posted: Feb 22 2016

A guest post from Ava Strong, TheDesirableWoman.com

“The most important relationship is the one that you have with yourself.”

It’s a declaration that’s more Insta-famous than those weird “hoverboards” (it’s got two points of contact with the ground, it’s not hovering!) Yet, behind most worn-out phrases, there is a seed of truth. This Diane von Fürstenberg quote is no exception.

Talk Nerdy to Me
Let’s talk nerdy for a second. Mass media has attempted to commoditize beauty by turning female body parts into selling points. And the worst part? We’re the customers. In fact, according to the Heart of Leadership organization, 74% of girls say they are under pressure to please everyone. That’s 74% too much. What if there was a way to turn this around?

How to Turn a Guy Off
We all know what turns a guy off - it’s the same things that make our skin crawl, like neediness, insecurity, or just plain rudeness. But the truth is that these issues are just surface level. They are mere symptoms of a much deeper problem. That deeper problem is a lack of self-love.

The Most Important Relationship
If you’re willing to dive deeper into Fürstenberg’s quote and disregard its nacho-cheesy undertones, it really makes a lot of sense. As we learn to love and accept ourselves the way we naturally are, we experience reduced stress and are content regardless of external factors. When you truly love yourself, what that guy you met at coffee shop thinks of you suddenly doesn’t matter so much.

The readers of my relationship blog are a huge fan of lists - and so am I. So let’s dive in and talk about my favorite 3 ways to create space in your life to practice self-love.

1. Take A Retreat
If you’ve ever tried to meditate, you know how hard it can be to sitting down and shut up! When you strip away the distractions of modern-day life, it’s difficult to sit with yourself and just be - but it’s great practice.

But you don’t need to meditate to get focused in on what’s important to you. You could also plan a road trip, or just blast Wild Belle and paint your room in your underwear. The important thing is that you occasionally set aside the time for yourself to take a mini retreat and pamper the inner you.

2. Let Go
Once you’ve taken time for yourself, you may notice that your thoughts get hung up on a negative thought. Maybe it’s a guy you’re dwelling on or a bad habit that you keep slipping back into. Whatever it is, consider just letting it go from your life!

This step is much easier said than done, but if you cut out the negative things in your life one by one, you can be sure that you’ll find it easier to be in peaceful contentment with yourself - and attract higher-quality people as a result.

3. Engage
You don’t need to sit on top of a mountain to get some peace and self-love in your life! Keep an active social live. Just make sure to do so while keeping a new first priority - yourself.

I hope these tips help you in your relationships. I’d be interested to hear what you think about them!

Ava Strong,


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